Letter #3

It seems that the time has come to write letters again. My decisions are many times not understandable, at least not for the majority. This time is not the exception. It is time to say goodbye, again.

Since the first time that we met I told you that I was a wanderer, you didn’t believe me, you thought that I was just a lost girl that had miraculously made her way to Europe. You thought that I was a spoiled child who didn’t know what she wanted out of life, you thought that I was not strong enough, that I didn’t understand big terms such as wandering. You thought that I was playing. Maybe I am. But what I can tell you now, hoping that you now see more of what I am made of, is that I understand what wandering means and now I repeat it to you – I am a wanderer. I am not a nomad. I think that you above all people should understand that there are some people that have an inner desire to move, to look for the unexpected, to dream of new possibilities, to search that which they haven’t found, that which they know they won’t find but with the certainty that you cannot die without trying to find it.

You are one of the strongest person I have met and I admire you for that. I admire your passion, your enthusiasm, your drive. I know that you already found the means to dwell upon the mysteries of life. I know that you have found shelter in art. I love art too but I love life better. You have already found a fruitful path. I have not yet found it and I am ok with that. I am always thrilled to start a new way knowing that the paths that I have already walked are always there, in my past, in my memories, in what I have learned.

One day I told you that I had come to this world to learn. It might sound too ridiculous and naïve. But this is what I feel as the most truthful thing I can say about what I want out of life. I don’t want to put myself in a higher position of righteousness; some days I am thirsty for recognition, for applauses and handshakes, some days I wish I could read my name in the newspapers, as I suppose everyone does from time to time. But I also know that profesional victories are sometimes lonely, and lonely victories are sour. Don’t misinterpret me, I don’t think that professional life is lonely but for me life is more than success, I suppose for everyone is. Once you told me something that was bouncing in my mind for hours, it still does. You said that in life it was important to leave a mark, to give the world some beneficial step with your life, with your work. I admire this position, I admire the drive and energy to work day and night in order to find that mystery that is lying behind your questions. I admire and I am thankful for all the artists, intellectuals, scientists who dedicated their lives for the pursuit of truth or of anything truly valuable. I am deeply thankful for the beauty created. Since you said this to me I have been asking myself if I am willing to do so, to work day and night for the fabrication of beauty.

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